Benjamin Tyree III Shinji Ikari, the 10 o'Clock Assassin tyree3@pacbell.net LEMON FANFIC WARNING STILL APPLIES: This fanfiction contains lots of sex and curse words. Viewer discretion is advised. All players herein are 18 years of age or older. AUTHOR'S RAMBLINGS: This is my answer to Joyce Wakabayashi's "There's Something About Misato/My Best Friend's Wedding From Hell." Evangelion is a worse enough series for people to stomach. So why add to the havoc? What's needed are stories that are more fair-hearted and easy to agree with than what this author wrote. Anyway, I'm currently starting on a Bakuretsu (Sorcerer) Hunter crossover with Evangelion. The Eva characters are much older, I'm going to introduce new characters, and Shinji gets to sleep with a lot more people in this latest work. Lastly, I have nothing personal against Asuka. Nor do I loathe her. It's just that she's ultra-competitive, spoiled, and acts like the "Queen of Freaking Everything." So, when she acts the way she does, she's going to get that type of reaction back. Let's just say that she would be a lot better character if it wasn't for her inflated ego. With that being said, on with the show! * * * * * * * * * * * * KING NEON SUCCESSOR OUTSIDE LEMON FIC MISATO MASSAGE (Basically this is in a different King Neon Successor reality, but I want it to be separate from that series.) * * * * * * * * * * * * Spring of 2020. The nightlife of Reno, Nevada, is just buzzing with energy. There are some very lovely ladies at the Blue Diamond Hotel. So come in, if you like, and get acquainted with one of them. Prospector: Good evening, and welcome! Misato: I'm so glad to see you again. Alright. I'll give you some very deep service this time around. Shinji: (Gulp!) Yes. Please do... Misato: [First is the blow job...] Shinji: [Oh, that feels so good! Her warm mouth all over my cock!] Misato: [Then comes the 69 position...] Shinji: [Ah... She tastes great! I guess it is true when they say "legalized pussy is the best tasting pussy."] Misato: Okay, Shinji-kun. Which position do you want to be in? Shinji: Oh, Misato-san. I want you to be on top. Misato: Then on top is where I'll be. (Gush...) Oooohh! That's so good! Can you feel it, Shinji-kun? Can you feel my warm wetness all around your shaft? Shinji: Yes, I can. Let me do you! *My name is Shinji Ikari, 23 years of age. I work for the United Nations as an "Abnormal Mysteries" reporter. The reason I started being a regular at this brothel is this: It was about a month ago...* It's 2:14 in the morning; Shinji is sleeping soundly in his studio apartment in when the phone suddenly rings... Shinji: *Click* Uuuhhh... Hello? It's Shinji Ikari... Asuka: Shinji! Finally, I've got you! This is Asuka. I was wondering if you can do me a favor, if you don't mind? Shinji: What? What is it that you need? Asuka: I like for you to look up some stuff on the web for me. I got this report due tomorrow, but I'll be too busy doing something else. Shinji: No thanks. Why don't you tell Fuyutsuki that you'll be busy? Asuka: Are you refusing me? Shinji: It's two a.m.. I need my sleep... Asuka: LISTEN YOU PENCIL-HEADED GEEK!! I'M THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU KEEPING THIS JOB!! SO EITHER YOU DO AS I SAY, OR I'LL HAVE YOUR ASS ON THE STREET AND HOMELESS FASTER THAN YOU CAN SPIT!! The stuff I want you to look for is in my e-mail. Do your work thoroughly. *Click* Shinji: Oh shit... This is terrible... The next morning, at the United Nations Special Forces; Nevada Sector, Shinji's placing some stuff in Asuka's mailbox. His eyes are crackling red due to lack of sleep. Ritsuko: (Coming up to him.) Oh. Hello, Mr. Ikari. Will you be busy today? Shinji: (Turns around to show her his drugged-out face.) Why of course not, Dr. Akagi. What do you need...? Ritsuko: (Pulls out a list of things for Shinji to do. But upon seeing his face, she changes her mind.) Mr. Ikari... I want you to take the day off. Shinji: Is that all you want me to do, Dr. Aka... HUH?! Ritsuko: You've worked with UNSF for about three years. You've worked your hardest since then. It's seems that you've been working too hard nowadays. Shinji: Dr. Akagi... Ritsuko: Don't worry. Your vacation will be paid. For now, I want you to come back fully rested. Understand? Shinji: Why thank you, Doctor. That is so nice of you... [Make the hurting stop, please...] An hour later, at a local casino, Shinji is sipping on wine and watching as people of all walks of life test their luck on the slot machines. Kaji Ryoji, Shinji's college buddy, finds him in his depression. Kaji: Well, well. If it ain't the great Shinji Ikari. How ya doin'? Shinji: Kaji... Hi... An explanation on his hard life later... Kaji: Well I feel sorry for you, Shinji. Hey! Tell ya what... (Digs into his wallet.) She said I get a discount if I brung a friend, so... Here. Shinji: (Grabs a ticket from Kaji. He looks at it, and then...) Bwaah! Kaji: Best relaxation techniques in the West Coast. You'll be suprised what these ladies can do. Shinji: (Great big sweatdrop covering his whole face.) I... see... Kaji: And the best news is that it works both ways. We can both get in with half the price. Moments later... Prospector: Welcome! I see you got the discount tickets. Is this your first time? Shinji: Well, yes. [Though, I was saving myself for that very special person (Rei Ayanami), that's why I turn away from places like this. But now...] Later, after two hours with Misato... Misato: That's horrible! She treats you like dirt, and you still do these things for her?! Shinji: She helped me get into this job, and she's the one responsible for me keeping a job. If I didn't do these things for her, she said she had me on the streets homeless and poor. (Looks over to Misato who now has those puppy-dog eyes. Then looks away.) My apologies. I didn't mean to drag you into my sorrows as well. Someone who works in the area of prostitution... Misato: No-no-no-no-no-no. You came here to relax, to get the demons off your chest. Kaji is a good friend for him to have you come here. Ritsuko's a nice boss. (Lightly elbows him in his left shoulder.) You want to get it on with her, right? Shinji: (Giggles.) Kaji and Ritsuko are good to me. But it's Asuka I have to deal with every day. I'm... I'm nothing but a "back-up man" to her... Shinji's deep in his sleep at his studio apartment. Around 2:15, the phone starts to ring. And it rings... And it rings... Shinji: *Click* Hello? Shinji Ikari... Asuka: It's me again, Asuka! I'm in a real pickle this time. Could you do me a favor and look up some stuff for me on the web again? Shinji: (Inhales deeply...) FUCK THAT!! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT TIME IT IS??!! ARE YOU SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU HAVE TO CALL ME AT TWO IN THE MORNING FOR ME TO DO YOUR SHIT??!! YOU BITCH!! YOU NAZI!! YOU SPOILED BLOOD-SIPPIN' WASP!! Asuka: ("Lum" horns pop out once she hears the last insult.) Shinji: *SLAM!!* (Pause...) Did I went to far...? Oh well... (Goes back to sleep.) Asuka: (Has been in the phone booth for about two hours.) N... N... Afternoon at the UNSF Nevada. Jin-e: Thanks for the help, Ikari-kun! Kenshin: Make sure "The Doors" don't hit you on the way out de gozaru yo. (A bad joke he made while trying to compare Shinji with Jim Morrison.) Shinji: Yeah well... My ducks are more unorthodox than yours, pal! (Another bad joke pertaining to Killarmy's misunderstood lyrics in "Wake Up.") Kouzou: (Over Caller-Com.) SHINJI IKARI. PLEASE REPORT TO MY OFFICE IMMEDIATELY. Shinji: Huh? [Oh, I see. Judgement Day.] Kouzou: I've gotten this from one of my employers today, Mr. Ikari. Shinji: I see. (Looks at the corner of his eyes to find Asuka standing in the shadows with a demonic grin on her face.) What is it? Kouzou: This is your father's work. Work that was labeled as illegal by the United Nations. Have you any knowledge of any of this beforehand? Shinji: No. Kouzou: "No" as in "I didn't know what my father did," or "no" as in "This is knowledge you didn't want me to know?" Shinji: Basically, "no" as in "That was knowledge I didn't want to know, but I did wanted to know what happened to my mother." Kouzou: Oh... Shinji: My father was a cruel man when I was young. So I ran away from him. Kouzou: You know I can't have you working here since you knowingly withheld information like this. I will have to terminate you. Asuka: (Her snear grows more demonic.) Shinji: I understand, sir. Kouzou: But since you'd baked such nice cookies, I'll let this one go. Asuka: HUH??!! Shinji: Shinji Ikari, you are the epitone of good worksmanship. You're prompt, good to others, likes doing his work, and you're always neat. My motto is "What's the point of throwing away a good watch when it works so well?" Asuka: (Tosses up a large file cabinet out of pure anger.) I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS CRAP I'M HEARING!! I GAVE THIS SON OF A BITCH THE OPPORTUNITY TO GET THIS JOB!! BUT HE REFUSES TO HELP SOMEONE AS BEAUTIFUL AND INTELLIGENT AS ME!! I_CAN'T_STAND_IT!! Asuka's about to slam the metal cabinet on Shinji. But... BOOOM!! Her eyes bulge out of her sockets as both Shinji and Kouzou give her a punch each to her stomach. Kouzou: They say that beauty is only skin deep... Shinji: The same can be said about being unable to take the jungle out of the Amazonian. *So, it's been like that. Whenever I get some extra cash...* Prospector: Welcome! *...I'd go down to the Blue Diamond Hotel and enjoy the services there.* Prospector: Why, hello again! *Upon Misato's recommendation, I'd gotten with the other ladies also.* Prospector: Welcome! Misato: So, Shinji-kun. How are you able to keep coming here? Shinji: Well... It sort of fell like dominoes. Misato: Eh...? Shinji: When I busted free of Asuka's chains, I realized how much of my life was engulfed with what she wanted me to do. So I freed up those spaces. So now I'm able to perform my duties as good as when I was hired. I got promoted, a pay raise, and a better radio which I've been needing for I don't know how long. Misato: Way to go, Shinji-kun. But, didn't you ever feel sorry for poor Asuka? I mean, she did lose her job and all. Shinji: Well... I... feel... a little sorry... But what can I do? Meanwhile, outside the Blue Diamond Hotel stands "Super Evil" Asuka. Asuka: Unforgivable! Thanks to you, I'm now just some regular "rent-a-cop" patroling some disgusting senior citizen's complex! I just wanted to know where you got such power to "dump" such royalty like myself! So, I've been tracking you down! WHAT THE FUCK??!! YOU'RE A REGULAR AT THIS WHORE HOUSE??!! Prospector: Good evening, and welcome! Huh? You look really angry tonight, Miss. Asuka: (Grabs the Prospector by the colar.) WHERE! IS! SHINJI?!! Shinji: HUH?! [Suddenly a bad chill just went up my spine...] Misato: Shinji-kun? Are you okay? Shinji: (Slight pause...) She's coming... Asuka: (Blasts through the door in full "Desert Storm" combat fatigue as Prospector tries in vain to stop her.) SO! THERE YOU ARE!! Shinji: Asuka! Misato: You! You must be Shinji's bully! Asuka: And you! You're the one responsible for taking away my Shinji! How dare you! (Turns to Shinji.) And I won't forgive you either, you son of a bitch! Shinji: (Starts getting worried due to Asuka's aura of rage.) Misato: (Defencively gets in front of him.) You're the one who's been using him to tie up your own odds and ends! You won't be forgiven as well! As the two ladies argue, headmistress Erina Kim Wong comes by to see what's going on. Asuka: I'm taking Shinji out of this disgusting place! And you're not gonna stop me! Shinji, let's go. (Reaches out her hand, but he slaps it away.) Shinji: No way! I'm not your dog anymore! Asuka: (Is startled by his reaction. But she thinks about it a bit, and her mood soon changes.) I see. So that's how it's going to be. Alright... Misato! LET'S TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!! Misato: HUH??!! Asuka: We'll settle this the old fashion way: The one still standing wins Shinji's love! Do you accept?! Erina: (Steps in between the ladies and in front of Shinji.) No-no-no-no-no. That's not how we solve problems here. You seem to be a nice-looking lady. Let's have a "sex match." Asuka: A WHAT MATCH??!! Erina: She who can please this guy the most will win his love. That's how it has been through the ages. But unless you're one of those people who believe that sex is not something to toy around with... Asuka: (Flashes back to when she had Ryoji Kaji on her bed.) Alright... I accept your challenge. But know this, Shinji: This is the one night, the only night, that you're going to have me. OKAY!! PREPARE YOURSELF!! Asuka flings her clothes off with one gigantic swoop. Her red-striped cotten bra and matching panties follow along with her clothes. She does some poses that gives anyone in sight a view of her "perfect" body. After that she lays on the bed, waiting for Shinji to try her. Asuka: Well, here I am! So come over here and ram your meat into me! [Or lack thereof.] Shinji sheepishly manages to get on top of her, and proceeds to stuff his cock into her moistening pussy. He then takes her by the legs and rams her to the hilt. Asuka: Not really something to write home about, but maybe with a little improvement you can become more of a man. Heh! I'll make you come so fucking hard that you'll swear never to go to any brothel ever again! Shinji: HNNNNGH!! *SPLURRT* Asuka: Not just yet, you! (Changes position with him so he can do her from behind.) It feels good, doesn't it?! You want to do this all night! Don't you?! Shinji: HNNNUUHH!! *SPLURRT* Asuka: NOT EVEN CLOSE!! (Now she's on top of him, shoving him in by hand.) For an unworthy worm like yourself, you should feel honored that you are done by the great Asuka Sohryuu Langley! Shinji: HUNNNNGH!! *SPLURRT* (After all that, Shinji's laying on the bed exhausted and breathing heavily.) Asuka: Now it's your turn, Ms Professional. [Heh! There's no way you can get him back up now. I made him come three times already.] Misato: Shinji-kun? Are you alright? Shinji: No... This light is... Asuka: As you can see, my body's more perfect than those who would sell theirs. I was destined to win. Erina: (Standing next to Asuka.) It's not over yet, you know. Misato: (Talking sweetly.) Shinji. Was Asuka really that good to you? Shinji: I must admit, she has an amazing body. But she's not my taste. She was never my taste, so violent and psychopathic... Misato: I bet you'd really like to go into Ritsuko right about now, would you? Shinji: Well it would be nice right about now... Ritsuko: Just as I figured, Mr. Ikari. Everyone within the room turns around to see the beautiful blonde scientist at the doorway. Asuka: (Getting seriously irate.) WHAT?! NO WAY!! NO FAIR!! Ritsuko: (Walks over toward Shinji, and then sits right next to him.) Humans are naturally illogical. You say that you want me, but you turn to others for your fantasies. You fear being hurt and rejected from me. You could've just simply asked me. Shinji: Doctor... Ritsuko: If I said yes, then first I had to be treated. If I said no... Well, this would be the result. The money you spend is just the same. But for right now, I... am... all... Yours. (Takes his hand and moves it over her breasts.) Call me Rit-chan, Shinji-kun. Asuka: (Starts getting hysterical over this new situation.) You planned this all along. Right, Misato? There was no way you could win, so you brought out the big guns. RIGHT?! By that time Shinji already has Ritsuko on the bed, peeling some of her clothes off and lovingly doing her body. Misato: This is a place where stress is relieved. The world is too horrible as it is. Most people can't afford to get some demons off their backs. That's why they become who they are. I just wanna know why you're picking on this poor kid in the first place. Asuka: Because... I'm... Jealous. He has the higher scores, the experience, and the love for his work. While I'm just an idol! Everything I got I earned it from being the brightest and the most beautiful. Shinji's the first person ever to ignore me, ignore my natural talents. I was... embittered. Ritsuko: Oh, Shinji-kun! I'm coming! Shinji: Me too, Rit-chan! They both explode in orgasm, wetting each other with their juices, and soon crumple on top of each other. Shinji takes his boss by the chin and lovingly kisses her in the mouth. Asuka: ALRIGHT!! ALRIGHT!! I'll admit defeat! I know when I lost! (Puts her clothes back on and starts to leave.) Just remember: My body's 100% natural. I neither sell it, nor change to color of my hair to impress others. You blew it BIG-TIME with me, Shinji! Prospector: Excuse me, lady? It seems that you have a great body and some experience in the field. Would you like a job here? It pays good money? Asuka gives the Prospector the evilest, most jaded stare of all. But a month later... Asuka: (In sexy "Playboy" bunny suit wearing a well-practiced grin.) Good evening and welcome to the Blue Diamond Hotel! Be sure to expect some great service tonight! (Giggles.) Misato: I don't believe this. The Prospector would just hire anybody into the fold. Wouldn't he? Erina: Poor Asuka, though. I think she finally flipped. Meanwhile, Shinji and Ritsuko are watching the crescent moon from the South Virginia Street bridge over the Truckee River, like the loving couple they turn out to be. Misato: I do miss one of our best customers, you know. The End... * * * * * * * * * * * * End Theme Playing: Helter Skelter's "I Ain't Havin' That" sung by The Mysterious Players (Tasuki, Chichiri, Nuriko, Hotohori, Tomo, Amiboshi, Nakago, and Soi). The characters from "Neon Genesis Evangelion" belong to Gainax (God help them). Prospector and Erina hail from "Martian Successor Nadesico," which belongs to Xebec. All other characters belong to their responsible parties. The plot of this fanfic is based on a great video, "My Fair Masseuse." It's owned by Akita Shoten/Cente Studio, releaced in the US by Kitty, and is HIGHLY RECOMMENDED by yours truly. * * * * * * * * * * * * I got a great fanfic idea! "All Purpose Android Ghost In The Shell Dash!" It stars Motoko Kusanagi as a high school student who's trying to hide the fact that she's a super-powered android. She meets wacky classmates, fights against even loonier mega-companies, and she even gets to sing as well. Oh well... Anyone who's interested can pick it up.