This fanfic is rated X. It contains harsh language and gratuitous sex. All passengers younger than 18 must disembark! HEY!! THIS MEANS YOU, SON!! The characters of the Neon Genesis Evangelion are property of Gainex, Project EVA, TX, and NAS. The companies doing the translations are AD Vision and Viz Communication. Lets start with a picturesque view of Tokyo-3 during the early morning. (Shinji's on stage with a microphone with Misato talking in the background.) When I first stepped on the scene, I was petrified! (EVArmy! 1998 to 2016!) Dragged into the lab like I was being chased by homicide. (Hey! Where the beer at?! Where the beer at?!) Well, it does me right to fight, and I will never steer you wrong. (Hey, Shinji! Wanna beer?!) And all those big, bad angels in the industry. Their careers won't be lasting long... A loud explosion rocks the whole vicinity. NO NEED FOR SHINJI Episode 4 (of 4): Rei "Pop Goes The Weasel" The theme music is a mixture of Method Man's "Release Yo' Delf" and Ghostface Killer's "260" as the four children, in their EVA's, fight off valiantly against a monsterous Angel. Asuka, in EVA Unit-02, steps in and gives the Angel a few punches and kicks. "Hah! Take a look at how a professional handles this business!" she says as she keeps on clobbering the Angel. But she gets hurt as the Angel blindsides her, grabs her with it's ribbons, and proceeds to slam her to the ground head first. "Ow! That's gotta hurt!" Touji declares. "What do we do, Major?!" Shinji asks Misato. Misato thinks for a few seconds, and then... "Shinji! Touji! Rei! You remember Plan P?" "Plan P... Oh yeah! Plan P! Touji! Rei! Follow me in!" As the Angel continues to beat up upon poor Asuka, Shinji creeps up behind it, grabs him by the waist, and does a German Suplex on it. Touji and Rei follow in and stab the Angel repeatedly with their swords. Then, without warning, the Angel explodes, taking out a large circumference with it. Only the four EVA's remain. Shinji's head is ringing from the explosion. "AAAAAHH!! Those sound buffers Dr. Akagi put in must be working fine! I could've gone deaf!" "Shinji! Guys! Are you still okay?!" asks the worried tactician. "I'm fine. I can hear you." Shinji's EVA gets up and stands. So does EVA Units 00 and 03. "Asuka! Asuka, are you okay?!" Asuka doesn't seem to be. Her EVA's just laying there on the ground. Her eyes are swirling and her controls are faultering. "Leave me alone," says the usually hot-headed pilot distortedly. "I just wanna lay here and die!" All of the children managed to get their EVA's back into their place, although Asuka's needed a little more help. Touji and Shinji are dragging Asuka out of her cockpit as Rei just stands and stares. Misato and Ritsuko, along with some doctors rolling in a gurney, walk into the hanger. "Ooh! You do good, You do good!" says Misato gleefully. "You kicked that Angel's ass! Hey! What's wrong with Asuka?" "Simple. She's suffering from over-exhaustion," the ever-intelligent Ritsuko states as the doctors roll Asuka onto the gurney. Asuka goes delirious and starts to ramble. "Shinji is fucking every woman around... He's a pervert... A moronic little pervert with nothing better to do..." She continues rambling as the doctors take her away. "I hope she'll be okay," says the worried Shinji as Misato comes up to him. "So, Shinji. How did you feel?" she asks. "With my fingers." Misato falls to the ground hard under the pressure of that bad joke. "The feeling I get when I drive that EVA into battle, when I got so many of my friends depending on me. It's a great appreciation, the fact that I'm needed to do a job. A fact that I'm needed to protect the people I love..." Gendou's up on the bridge giggling. " With my fingers' he says." He starts laughing louder and louder as the bridgecrew turns around and stares at the Commander confusingly. "Oh... Whatever," says Maya. Shinji, still in the Geofront, is looking out of the window and listening to his walkman. He's starting to enjoy these songs made by Anita Baker. Just then, Rei III walks towards Shinji and nudges him on the shoulder, catching him by surprise. "Huh? Oh. It's you, Ayanami. Am I needed or something?" "No. I am just here to see you, Ikari." "Oh." ( Around around the moberry bush, the monkey chase the weasel...' I better start a conversation before we both end up staring into space and lose track of time!) Shinji thinks to himself. "So. Aren't we glad we got Touji back?" "Yes." the usually emotionless Rei says. "What did the doctors give him? A robotic arm and a robotic leg?" "Yep. My father agreed to pay for all the bills. I wouldn't figure that my father would do something like that. I guess he just still needs him for a pilot..." "Ikari, please teach me about sex." "WHAT?!" Shinji's mind starts clicking. Wonder girl asking for sex? Usually nice girls who want sex would beat around the bush. Wait a sec: This is the new Rei, one that has even less emotion. Only $1499.59 per clone, $100.00 shipping and handeling... "Ikari?!" "Huh? What?! Uh... Wait a sec. I'm already in love with someone. Mainly the cute bridge bunny up there where Gendou is..." "Maya said that it is okay." "Maya said... Okay. I'll teach you all about sex. But, but where..." "Just come with me, Ikari." Rei takes Shinji to a secret room *somewhere*. Shinji locks the door behind him and turns on the lights. Rei starts to takes of her schooldress, but Shinji stops her. "Let me undo that for you," he says as he starts kissing her in the mouth. He unbuttons her shirt and takes a feel of her breasts. They're neither big or small; they're just perfect. (Of course they're perfect! She's a clone, stupid!) Okay! He guides her to the floor and pulls down his pants and underwear to reveal his large cock. (Sex with a clone. I wonder how it'll feel.) Shinji thinks to himself. He takes out an EVA-Brand condom from his pocket, unwraps it, and rolls it on his cock. "Now, Rei. I will teach you about oral sex." He takes off her panties to show her unshaved little box between her legs. "I want you to sit your butt on top of my face." "You mean like this?" Rei puts herself on top of Shinji's head. "No, turn around. Face the other way." Rei turns around and sees his hard, latexed cock throbbing for excitement. Shinji takes a look at her pussy... "Wow. Your pussy is so beautiful. Now, I want you to put my cock in your mouth and suck." Rei proceeds to put his cock and her mouth and sucks on it. WOW! She's cold! Shinji couldn't help but to let out a loud moan. "Now, I want you to lick at the head." She licks at the head, and he could actually hear her licking. Noticing how good a job she was doing, he rewards her by placing a couple fingers into her cunt and licking her clit. She lets out a loud moan. "Is this... Suppose... To feel good,... Ikari?" she asks. "Yes, this is." They continue to 69 each other until Shinji tells her to stop. He asks Rei to get off of him since they're going to do the next thing.' "What's the next thing, Ikari?" He sits up and tells her to get down to her hands and knees. Then he gets behind her and atarts to push his cock into her wet pussy. Whoa! She's TIGHTER! Rei lets out a loud moan and he proceeds to pump her with joy. "Oh, Ikari..! I feel... So good and full..!" Shinji continues to push his large cock in and out of her tight pussy until Rei screams her loudest and collapse to the floor. Liquid is gushing out of her pussy, running down her legs and Shinji's legs. All that extra wetness made Shinji come, too. He crumples onto Rei, feeling happy and spent. "Ikari. What was that great feeling I just felt?" she breathes. "You came. That's what happens during sex," exclaims Shinji. "When you have sex with someone you love, your energy keeps building higher and higher until you... just... break open. You... release yourself." Shinji uses the shower in the NERV employees' locker room. He changes into some new clothes and proceeds to head out of the Geofront figuring that Rei must've taken a shower as well. But suddenly, he meets up with NERV Commander Gendou Ikari. This startles him, feeling like a little kid with his hand caught in the cookie jar. If Gendou ever found out that he did the nasty with his prized pilot, he'd be toast! "Mr. Ikari. I want you to come with me." "Uh... Sure, Commander Ikari." Gendou leads his son to parts unknown. "By the way. Are you enjoying the lucrative fan service' you've been given?" "Fan Service?" "You know. All these good looking ladies asking you for sex?" Shinji grimaces. "Me and the sub-commander Fuyu-, Fuyu-something-rather, made a bet that you would perform your duties better if you were sexually active. And it seemed that he won the bet." "Now I know that I'm not very attractive if you've ordered women to have sex with me." "Nonsence. Unlike me, you can be saved. The sub-commander said it himself that nothing opens people up better than sex." "You could've gotten the same results if you'd take me out to a ballgame once in a while." Gendou gets a sweatdrop in the back of his head. The two Ikaries make it to the cloning center of NERV. "Do you know why Dr. Akagi asked you for your sperm samples?" Now, Shinji may be low keyed, but he's not dumb. He thinks for a minute whilst Gendou punches in the code. Then, Shinji just thought up the unthinkable. "No, dad! You DIDN'T!" The door slides open, and Gendou goes in, followed by Shinji. As he goes in he looks around and finds... A BUNCH OF SHINJIES!! Floating around in the pool of LCL. This surprises Shinji to the fullest. He almost felt like jumping out of her body. "Dad, WHY?!" "Simple. To replace you. If these clones work, then no more will you have to go into that EVA and go towards your death. No more will you have to be NERV's foot soldier to go and fight when ordered. You'll be free. Free to do whatever you choose. Isn't that what you want, Shinji?" "Dad..." "All I wanted was to keep the rest of my family uninvolved with the fight between the Angels and Earth. I told myself, If I were to keep my son from harm, then this would be it. I'm doing the same for Asuka and Touji. You kids will be free to grow up and live your life." Shinji steps back and thinks. Knowing his dad, this cloning thing would be possible. No doubt. But if he was replaced, where would he go? For all he knows, the rest of his family could've been destroyed. The safest he felt was within the cockpit of his EVA fighting Angels. And being kicked out of NERV is something totally new to him. "I'm sorry, dad... Commander Ikari. You're not rid of me that easily." Gendou raises an eyebrow. "The fight for humankind is fought by all of us in order to win. I've decided to stay and fight. I want to do my part and fight for the future of this planet and those who live on it." This takes his father by surprise. He didn't realize that having someone who loves him would change him that much. "You want to do your part. Don't you, son?" "Yes." "Then, I'll teach you. I'll teach you all you need to know about my work. So that one day, when I go, you could take it over..." Epilogue: More EVA's were made, and the clones of the 14 year-olds piloted them. After 10 or 12 long, hard years of battle, the Angels managed to regain ADAM and LILLITH and head back to their homeworld. The rebuilding of Earth began, and Shinji Ikari continues to learn the ways of controlling a large UN faction like NERV as well as the techniques of cloning. He manages to marry Maya Ibuki and have a son, a son he tries to see whenever he can. Asuka marries Kensuke and they are both in the UN military. So do Touji and Hikari. Ritsuko teaches clone science at a famous Japanese university as Misato sobers up and becomes a spearhead of the UN military movements. The successful Rei clones have been completed and sent to several different locations in the world to work in several governmental structures. In several more years, Shinji heads a powerful faction of the UN waiting on the next alien threat. But the time comes, and he has no choice... but to call on his 14-year-old son... The End Well, maybe not yet. NERV OMAKE Misato Kitsuragi's at a bar sitting at a table with Shinji, alias the 10 o'Clock Assassin. Now, Mi-chan's Mi-chan. But Shin-chan. Well, this is a different Shinji. A darker Shinji. Literally! He's black! Same hairstyle, but his eyes are bloodshot, with glasses. And he's wearring a trenchcoat. And who knows what he keeps under his trenchcoat! If the Shinji we know and love is the good Shinji, then he must be the evil Shinji, "The Killer" Shinji (John Woo, kids.), the assassin Shinji. Misato takes a chug of her large glass of Coors, loudly belches into her closed hand, then starts with her complaint. "First off, that scene you did with Shinji and me during Episode 2. That would be the last thing on Earth I would do with my tits! Thank you very much." 10 o'Clock sips on his mixture of Kool-Aid and [Censored] On The Beach (He's an assassin, but he's not hardcore.), and then says, "Well, I apologize. But what else do you do with big breasts? After all, it's a lemon." "A lemon about a show you know little about! You've cursed us with your bad writing like you did the characters of X/1999'! Your wordings and tenses are wrong! You've made us out of character! I bet that you haven't even watched the show!" "Well, let me tell you: I've watched one show, been through several web sites, I've read three of the manga, and I'm even on the Neon Genesis Evangelion Mailing List!" "Sure you are. Then how come you don't know the name of the sub-commander? Huh? Huh?" "Because I don't remember! Okay?!" The arguement manages the grab the attention of several people within the bar. Then, the two characters realized that they were standing. They calmed themselves down and sat back down on their chairs. Misato chugs on her beer while 10 o'Clock swallows down his drink. She finishes first and starts to speak. "You know you got talent, kid, and I respect that. But the least you can do is read the script to the stories. There are webpages that would just love to give you scripts about what happens in the series." "I'll look at them when the time comes. And not sooner." "Oooohh. You're so evil. I bet you think you're so cool. Don't you." "Yeah, well, I may not be a cool magnet. But at least I'm original. Following the crowd is like following lemmings to their doom." Misato sticks her tongue out at him. "BLLLLLLLLP!!" and finishes with her beer. "Oh yeah! You forgot Kaji!" "Oh my god, yes I did. I guess I have nowhere to put him. But I guess you handeled that yourself. You dated with him during the "No Need For Shinji MST/C&C," whatever that means. You're not gonna drive your car this drunk, are you?" "No, stupid. I've designated a driver." She points over to Kagi, waiting patienly near the door and holding a can of Budweiser. She loudly belches again. (Whoa! How does anybody ever have great sex with her knowing that she's a slob?!) "Well, I guess I'll be going." "Planning your next anime assassination, you nasty boy?" "Well, that, and I got finals." The Real End Comments, etc. E-mail me. tycplans@pacbell.net