**** WARNING! **** The following is a fan-fic. It is also a lemon. If you now know what I'm on about, well and good. Otherwise: I did not claim to invent, conceieve, or otherwise own any of the characters. They are all property of Gainax, the good and kind people that they are. I'm REALLY sorry if this offends you, but deal, okay? Second. It's a lemon. That means it involves sex. Yes, that's right, sex. If you do NOT want to read about sex, then delete this file right now, because if you read all of it, you will, indeed, see sex. It also contains some language that some people may find offensive. That also applies to people under 18, who, if they DO wish to read about sex, should save this file on disk, and wait until they are 18. I take no responsibility for that, either. K. Now THAT's out of the way..... <<< Neon Genesis Evangelion >>> Final Exams Suck. Four long years have passed since the first clash between Eva and Angel. Driven away from their goal, the Angels fled, leaving the Earth in an unbalanced power struggle. NERV and Seele, once working together, split apart into squabbling factions. Another Rei was thawed out for this story, if only to explain why she's completely different to most of the other Rei's. Shinji finds himself involved with Rei and Asuka. Asuka finds herself involved with Shinji and Rei. Rei find herself involved with Shinji and Asuka. Everyone at NERV knows about it, and they don't really care. I didn't say it was particularly realistic. Ahem. Enough of the background. "Approaching borderline....0.23....0.22....0.21....0.2..... Unit-00 has been successfully activated." "Launch!" The catapult shot up with a crackle of static discharge, launching the blue eva to the surface. "Okay. That was excellent. Rei, that's your personal best time today, 178 seconds from start to surface." 'Yes.' "Okay, we're going to retrieve you now. Just sit tight." Shinji and Asuka sat side by side, dangling their legs over the catwalk as they watched the catapult platform come cranking down, bearing its cargo with it. "Gee. 178 seconds. That's a pretty good scramble time, isn't it, Asuka?" "178 seconds? Ha! I'm much faster than that. Don't forget I beat you as well, Shinji. 129 seconds. Ritsuko said it was the best time she'd ever seen." "...." "Don't worry, Shinji. We can't all be perfect." "...." "Baka." she grinned, "Come on. I'll race you to the elevator, so we can meet Rei." Shinji smiled, then leapt up and took off. "You cheat! Come back here! I wasn't ready!" "Catch me if you can, Asuka!" Various technicians and personell made way as the two teenagers made a mad dash to the main elevator shafts, quite used to the friendly rivalry that existed between them. Ritsuko frowned as she heard them thunder past the control center door, but kept quiet. If they were happy behaving like that, she really had no right to complain. As they turned into the final long corridor leading to the elevator shafts, Asuka made her move. Diving, she slid on the smooth plastic floor and tackled Shinji's legs out from underneath him. She snuck a quick peck on his cheek as she scrambled past him, then made for the doors. Shinji managed to get to his feet, but it was too late. Asuka was at the elevator doors, doing an energetic(and Shinji thought, rather sensual), victory dance. He stuck his tounge out at her, and limped to the elevator. It was a fairly pleasant ride up, even if they did have to cut it short when they reached the top. Unit-00 had been docked and restrained, and technicians were swarming over it already, completing the post-activation checklists. Rei waved at them from her entry plug as the crane lifted it over to the boarding gantry, and smiled happily. "Hey, Shinji, it's good to see Rei smiling again, isn't it? I guess a little praise does go a long way for some people." Shinji waved back, then replied to Asuka. "Yeah, it is good. These past few weeks have been pretty hard on all of us." "Which reminds me, we've got the final calculus test on tommorrow." "I know... How could I forget..." "Oh, stop whinging. It's the last exam for the year, and after it, we won't have to study for three months or so! And you know what we can be doing then, don't you?" Shinji blushed. Rei leapt nimbly out of her entry plug beside them, and hugged each of them in turn. "Did you see? I got my personal best time?" Shinji smiled at her, and returned the hug. "Well done, Rei. Everyones' proud of you." Even Asuka couldn't help but grin at Rei's enthusiasm. She seemed so genuinely happy that Asuka decided not to say that Rei had the slowest times of all three. It just seemed the wrong thing to do. Rei turned and shook most of the loose LCL out of her hair, then looked back at them. "I could use a shower right about now... and I think I'm just about ready for the next size plug-suit." she added, wriggling uncomfortably and trying to descreetly remove the thick material from places where it shouldn't have crept, but had anyway. 'Okay, you three. Enough talking!' Dr. Akagi's voice over the PA startled them, as well as most of the mechanics and personell milling about. 'I want you in the third de-briefing room within 5 minutes.' "Gee, what's up her arse today, I wonder." muttered Asuka. 'I heard that!' snapped the doctor. Sniggering softly, the three descended to the lower levels, and wandered off to the debriefing rooms. Room #3 was completely empty and silent, but they went in anyway, and found the best seats. Ritsuko and Misato found them in there, happily talking, a few minutes later. "Where were you?" Asuka asked, "We've been here for ages." "We were held up processing these results. Now, the first thing I wanted to talk about is the areas where time was lost during the scramble exercise. The neural link-ups are what take the most time, and this is due to......." All three tuned out. It was a while before the doctor noticed. "...Kinetic wave diagram, resulting in loss of synchronosity. Further analysis... Shinji.... Asuka... Rei....? Pay attention!" "Sorry." "Hehehe... Oops!" "Yes." "Misato!" "What? Huh? Yes.... Right..." "I give up. What's the matter with you three?" "It's the final calculus test.... I guess it's all got us a little on edge." volunteered Shinji. Ritsuko thought snidely. "It's just stress..." "There's a lot of work to cover." "And we're looking forward to finally completing another year of education." "Hrmm.... A likely story. Well, I suppose we can leave it there. You don't really need to know all the details, do you? Anything else, Major Katsuragi?" "Me? Oh, no..... Just to say 'Good Work' to all of you. You're all becoming very good pilots." Shinji and Rei blushed at the praise. Asuka basked in it. "Then you're all dismissed." "Major Katsuragi? I have a request." "Yes, Rei?" "Would it be possible to get a larger plugsuit? This one is getting too small.." Misato thought. "Of course. I'll notify equipment division first thing. You should have a whole new set by tommorrow." "Thank you." "Dismissed." Shinji grimaced as the muscles in his back unknotted under the hot water. He turned the cold down more, and let the steaming water wash away his weariness along with the LCL residue. His shower was interruped by a knock on the cubicle door. He unlocked the door, and opened it, shielding himself with it. Rei forced herself past him, in under the water. "It's cold out there." Shinji re-locked the door and chuckled to himself. "Shinji...I want... I need.... I....now...." Rei stammered, trying to form the sentance properly. Failing that, she leant against the wall, and looked at him with her cutest look. Shinji didn't misinterpret what she wanted. About ten minutes later, they'd finished, and were washing each other under the shower. "Rei?" "Yes?" "I can see where your plugsuit is getting too small." She turned around to face him, and bit at his nose. "What about you? Doesn't it pinch you *here* at all?" she asked, seizing the part in question. "Ow! Would you believe me if I said they designed ways and means around it?" "I wondered why it always seems a bit larger when you're in your suit." "You look?" "It's only fair. Do you think I don't notice you staring at me or Asuka?" "B..but...but..." She kissed him, and ran her soapy hands over his chest. "Beats looking at saggy old Dr. Akagi, doesn't it?" she teased. "I'm not going to play, now." he pouted, trying to hide a smile. "You aren't? Then I'll just have to do this by myself...." "I've changed my mind. I want a go of that!" "Eeek!" Later that afternoon: "Bye, Rei! Don't forget to study hard!" "Yeah! We'll see you at school tommorrow." Shinji and Asuka watched through the rear window as Rei waved the blue sports car goodbye and began walking up the stairs to her apartment. "Now, you two. Tonight I want you to study. Not 'study', but STUDY." The two of them looked at Misato as she managed to pronounce the capitals. "I know it's the last exam for the year, but that only serves to make it more important. Don't disappoint me, please. You DO know how it'll look if you fail this one, don't you?" She waited until they both nodded. "Just do this for me, if not for yourselves. Just think of all the fun you can have afterwards." Asuka and Shinji sighed in unison, small puffs of air fading away from their mouths. "Yes, Ma'am." thought the Major, as they made their way home, Misato was actually pleasantly surprised. Neither of them argued, and they spent the evening with their text-books, revising and doing examples. They went to bed early, and although she stayed awake listening for any signs of them going into each others' room, there was nothing. Late the next morning, Misato stumbled out of her room for her morning beer. To her surprise, both Shinji and Asuka were there, heads bent over books again. "Hey...what's going on here? You're not making fun of me, are you?" she asked suspiciously, sipping at her beer as if she was afraid it was poisoned. "Huh? No. But you were right, last night. About doing well on this." said Shinji. Misato blinked at them, as if she wasn't used to being told she was right. "And don't worry, Misato. We didn't spike your beer." added Asuka. "Am I really that transparent?" Shinji smiled and trotted off to get the rest of his school gear, patting her on the shoulder as he went past. "No, but we can read you as if you were." Misato grew a sweat-drop. Toji and Kensuke came and collected them, and Rei and Hikari joined them as they passed the respective dwellings. No-one spoke much, for fear of dislodging the study from their heads. They were virtually silent until they came to their class-room. They could see the exam papers already set out. They looked at one another, and said as one 'Good luck.' They filed in, and prepared. Three hours later, it was over. Shinji didn't know how he'd gone. Debating it with the others outside the room, their answers were similar. But it was like all exams. They simply wouldn't know until they got the results. Shinji turned towards the exit, when he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. It was Asuka, doing her best to emulate Rei's cute eyes, and damn near succeeding, too. "Shinji? I wanna have sex." "What? Now?" "Yes. Now. Here. Well... not HERE, but I need it now... I can't hold back." With that, she took hold of his collar, and dragged him down a deserted corridor. Rei followed in their wake. 'BOOK STORE 7' the door read. Asuka fumbled in her pocket, and produced a key, with which she proceeded to unlock and open the door. "How did you...." "Custodial key. And don't ask how I got it." "I don't want to know." "You pervert. You have a sick mind, you know that?" "You love it, too." "Don't we all?" Rei smiled, and shut the door behind them. It was unlikely they'd be disturbed. Not thirty seconds afterwards, Asuka was on the low desk, her dress bunched up around her waist and her shirt open. Shinji was between her legs, supporting her knees with his hands, and banging away like his life depended on it. "Mmmmmmyyaarrgghhh!!! Oh... that's what I needed.... Hey, Third Child..You usually come in before me if you've been backed up for a week, and I haven't given you any for that long...unless.... hey! No fair having sex behind my back, you two." she growled, turning around to face Rei, who was sitting on a chair, reading. "It was actually my fault, Asuka. I couldn't hold it for as long as you could. I got Shinji in the shower at the geofront yesterday." "Shinji, baka!" she said, slapping him lightly, "No wonder you could study so well last night. I was on the verge of jumping you all last night." "You should talk. I couldn't sleep at all last night, must've tossed off three or four times before it finally went away." "You wasted three or four good loads! You really are an idiot!" "I've got others." "Show me." Shinji grinned, and showed her. Rei was almost jumping out of her skin. It was REALLY hard to sit still and pretend to read while your two best friends had hot and passionate sex not two metres away. She could feel that she was already damp, and she wondered how much longer it would be before it got unbearable..... Two seconds later: Shinji and Asuka both stopped what they were doing and turned as Rei stood suddenly, almost tore off her uniform, and grabbed Shinji, pushing him onto the floor. She knelt astride him, and lowered herself onto his erection. "Rei! I wasn't finished yet!" "Sorry...uhhh...Asuka... I'll make it up to you.... Promise...nrffffff" Shinji watched in amazement as Rei began bouncing up and down on him, moving so fast that she was almost a blur. "Ohhhhhh..... Rei.... I'm.... gonna....c....c...come...." "Now! Now Shinji! NOW!" When the tremors had finally worn off, Rei extricated herself, and lay on the floor. "Phew... I needed that. Thanks, Shinji. He's all yours, Asuka." "Hrrrmmmphh... You've worn him out, Rei." "....." Kensuke and Toji listened at the door. Their expressions were showing profound disbelief. "I don't believe it!" Kensuke whispered. "Shinji with Rei AND Asuka?" murmered Suzahara. "That sly dog. He's doing them both." "Maybe there's some other explanation." whispered Hikari, lower down on the door. "Yeah! That's the way! Get it back up, Shinji!" "You aren't doing it properly, Asuka. You have to use your tounge more, and rub his balls. Like this, see?" "Here, give me a go. *mrrnfglglglgslurp* How's that, Shinji? Better?" "Yeah... But Rei still gives better head." "Thank you. And I swallow, too." "Hrmppphh... I'll show you who's the Queen of Head! C'mere!" Kensuke, Toji and Hikari all face-faulted. "Well, maybe there isn't some other explanation..." That evening: The three pilots finally made their way back to Misato's apartment, after finishing their business in the store-room, then going shopping for some new sexy undies for the girls. Stopping off to see a movie, they finished with pizza. They were unwilling to go home, procrastinating as long as they could, for they knew that Misato would have the final results by now. "That's the problem with living in this modern world." grumbled Asuka, "Everything happens too fast. Back in the old days, we'd have a few days grace before theyd've marked them all." "Well, there's nothing else for it. We can't walk the streets forever." The three took a deep breath, and walked into the apartment. Misato was sitting at a chair by the table. She was wearing her official uniform. Beside her were three disks, and three hard-copy print-outs. Her expression was grim. "So. You finally decided to come back and face the music?" "I..it's that bad?" "Yes. It is." "For ALL of us?" "Yes. For all of you." Shinji felt sick. He knew that this would mean the end of everything. He'd be forbidden from so much as TALKING to the other two for the rest of his natural life. He'd be punished. He'd have to do remedial work. His life was OVER. "You all got 100%." "What?" "I said, you all got 100%." "What?" The Major broke into a huge grin, "You all got 100%. Every question right. 100%." Rei's eyes widened. Shinji fell over in a tangle of arms and legs. Asuka asked the question again. "What?" "Asuka, listen! You passed! You got 100%" Rei blinked "Why is that bad?" "Because there's absolutely no room for improvement." Rei sqealed with delight, and scooped Shinji and Asuka into a hug. "Rei! Air! I can't breathe!" Rei was all poised to give them both a kiss, when she realised the Major was still in the room. "It's okay, Rei." Misato said, turning to fetch drinks from the fridge. Rei planted a big happy kiss on both Shinji and Asuka, both of whom had just recovered from the shock. "Here. Have these." Misato passed them each a can of drink. She smiled at them, then picked up an overnight bag from the floor. "I'm going out with Kaji tonight. I'll probably stay at his place, and I'll go straight to work tommorrow. It's just analysis on yesterdays data, so you three don't need to be there, so I guess it looks like you've got the house to yourself for a day or so. Bye!" Shinji, Asuka and Rei all waved. "Bye!" "Don't hurry back!" "See you!" "Oh, one last thing.... Have fun... ^_^ You've earnt it." she called as she shut the door behind her. "Now. Where to start... Where to start..." "How about those new things we bought today, Asuka?" "Squaaaaarkk!" "Oh god... I forgot about Pen-pen...." Asuka smiled evilly, "Don't worry about him...." She cracked her knuckles and advanced on the warm-water penguin, who looked at her with his head cocked to one side. "Squaaarrrrk?" Before he was fully aware of what was happening, Pen^2 was back in his fridge with a few six-packs and a huge amount of fish. He tested the door with his flipper, but it was wedged shut. "Squaarrrrkkkkk...." he complained, but popped open a beer, anyway. "Well, Shinji? What do you think?" Asuka struck a pose for him. Rei did a complementing pose beside her. "I think that it was worth all that study." "Don't be silly, nothing's fully worth studying for." "Speak for yourself, Asuka." "Ha! I'm worth five or six times the amount of study you are!" "Yeah?" "Yeah." "Right! That's it! Power-headlock-noogie-tackle-attack!" "Arrghh!!! Ticklish-breast-attack!" "Hahahahehehehehe! Stop that! Shinji! Help!" "Multiple bra-unclip-attack!" he cried. "Bra-unclip-attack? Eeek! Hey! Come back with that!" "Have to catch me, first!" "Rei! Quick! You go around that side, and we'll head him off at the sofa!" "Only if I get first go at him." "No way!... I wanna try out my Flutter-tounge-attack." Asuka grinned. "Wait! I surrender." "Hey, you have to at least put up token resistance." "See? He's afraid of my special attacks." "I actually think he's just looking forward to it...." "We'll just see about that, shall we?" And so she did. "Rei. I think you're right. He was looking forward to it." "Think you can teach it to me?" "Sure. What you do is tense the top muscle on your tounge up a lot... No, not like that, you're just curling it, you have to tense it up........ Yeah, like that.... Now... Oi! Shinji! Come back here and lie down like a good boy..... Now, Rei, what you do is....." About 10 minutes later, Shinji squealed and jumped. "I think you've just found the knack of it, Rei." "Double-team-flutter-tounge-attack!" Gendo and Fyutski sweat-dropped. Gendo turned down the volume. "Make a note to have Katsuragi's house wired for visual at the soonest possible date, Fyutski." "It will be done, Sir." ---------------------------------------- The 'Flutter-tounge' was borrowed (read:stolen) from a Ranma 1/2 fic called 'Marital Arts'. Hey, it sounds good.... :) Annoy me with C&C before I go back to leaving these things on my hard drive! violencejack@hotmail.com Additional Nonsense: Keel: "Gendo Ikari, you're diverting too many of your resources away from Human Instrumentality, towards this search for 'Dragon balls', " Gendo Ikari: "It was written in the Dead Sea Scrolls." Keel: "It was NOT written in them, you wrote that bit out yourself and glued it onto your copy. The ancient Hebrews did NOT have blue ball-point pens and pre- lined notebook paper." Gendo: "Just you wait till I have them all, I'll wish myself immortal, then you'll all be sorry! Hahahahaha!" Keel: "Gendo, you're completely mad." Gendo laughs insanely. Keel: "Right...."