Title: Brain Elves Chapter 2
Series: Rurouni Kenshin
Author: Nicky Townsend 
Email: battousai@licensedtokill.com

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Nicky Townsend (battousai@licensedtokill.com)

Disclaimer: Rurouni Kenshin is property of Watsuki Nubohiro, Shounen 
Jump, and Sony. The Erasure song "Who needs Love like that?" inspired 
this fic

Yes, this is the cracked-out sequel to my Rurouni Kenshin parody, 
Brain Elves! This is from Kaoru's POV this time. Here is her after-
the-fact account ^_^ I'm not so mean as to just leave Kenshin 
hanging! Well not for long anyway ^_^x We always torture those we 
love best, ne? The jokes here are WAY raunchier then in the last one. 
Don't say I didn't warn you!
    
Lemon Warning! This will be my second lemon! I got such good reviews 
for my last one, I decided to give it another go!

Brain Elves: A Rurouni Kenshin Parody by Nicky

Part 2: Inside Kaoru's Brain

I waited patiently for Kenshin's breathing to slow into the tell-tale 
signs of sleep. I opened my eyes, thinking on the event that had just 
taken place. Elation sang through my blood, sweeter then anything. 
Finally, finally after all this time, I was able to be with Kenshin. 
Not all the way, though. I just couldn't do that yet. 

Even as I asked him if he was still...um... *Stop right there! U-turn!
There now, that's better* I, well, you know, I could hear Modesty in 
my head screaming *STOP, FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTING SACRED!!!* I tried 
to ignore it, but when Kenshin had told me it wasn't necessary, my 
Modesty was singing *Praise the LORD!! Hallelujah!!* And so I pretended
to go to sleep just so I wouldn't have to see the disappointment in 
his eyes. He had said that I didn't have to, after all.

All the same, I felt sort of...bad. For just leaving him hanging like 
that. Even in his sleep, I felt the remainder of his arousal pressing 
against my thigh. 

I snuggled in closer against him, pulling the covers up over us. I 
felt him sigh, and hold me tighter, a bit of my excitement from 
earlier returned. Of course I was elated that I, of all people, could 
bring out that response in him. But still... I felt bad.

*Well you should feel bad* Guilt shook her finger at me. *You lead 
him on. You shouldn't make such suggestive comments if you aren't 
going to follow through! How would you feel if you were him?* 

I pressed my eyelids tightly together, to try to stop the tears that 
were starting to rise. *I would feel left out. Frustrated. Like I had 
been watching something beautiful that I had no part of*

*Exactly* Guilt punctuated that statement with a firm nod. *Now, how 
are you going to correct this problem?*

*I don't know! I've never...I mean...I'm still...*

*Don't make her say it!* Modesty kicked in full-force, her cheeks 
stained pink. 

*I'm still a virgin*

*Eeeeek! She said it!* Modesty covered her ears too late to avoid the 
offending word. 

*Where's your Creativity? Can't you think of something?* Guilt 
continued, her face a mask of exasperation.

Where was my Creativity? It had to be here somewhere...

*Jeez, I'm right here, don't get your hakama in a wad...Now what's the
problem?* My Creativity showed up late, as usual.

Guilt quickly briefed Creativity on the subject, Modesty clutching 
her ears tightly, the whole while her *Lalalalalalala....I can't 
hear you....* drove everyone to distraction. Creativity nodded in 
understanding, and she briskly rubbed her hands together. 

*Minna, I think this calls for an emergency meeting. Let's see...Guilt
and I am here, who's still missing? We still need Romance and 
Sex-Drive...I don't want Self-Doubt or Panic to hear about this okay? 
If they show up, we have to get rid of them. Who wants to find Romance
and Sex-Drive?* 

*We're here already* My completely naked Sex-Drive spoke up, a 
dreamy-eyed Romance in tow. Creativity brought them all into a 
huddle, and I watched anxiously as my Emotions conversed without 
me. In fact Self-Doubt was plaguing me, and Modesty was helping.

Self-Doubt poked me viciously in the side *You won't ever pull off 
what they're planning. You'll screw it all up. Kenshin will laugh at 
you.*

Modesty had joined in by poking me in the back of the head, *Do you 
realize that you are still NAKED? And that this man you are STILL in 
bed with SAW you that way?*

Self-Doubt was sneering at me. *Did you wonder how he got so good at
that? I bet he went brothel hopping back during the war with his 
buddies* 

Something about that made me laugh. I could just picture a skinny 
teen-aged Kenshin going to brothels with older samurai, and being 
kicked out because he was too young. Or even worse, if they did let 
him in, he'd probably refuse to remove his katana...I felt Kenshin 
starting to wake, so I ceased my giggling as best I could. 

*I don't think a guy like Kenshin would be interested in going to 
brothels, but that's just a hunch on my part.* Romance touched my 
shoulder and smiled reassuringly. I agreed. Kenshin wasn't the type. 
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Self-Doubt huff, and stamp her 
foot in exasperation before stomping off to pout. 

Modesty, however, bravely stayed put. I saw my Sex-Drive eyeing her, 
before sauntering up to where my Modesty was standing, her hands on 
her hips. 

Modesty had noticed Sex-Drive coming her way, and the way Sex-Drive 
let her hips swing as she walked, not to mention the fact that she as 
naked as the day she was born, made Modesty seethe. 

Sex-Drive poked Modesty in the chest, and blatantly stated *You don't
belong here*

Modesty poked her right back *You shouldn't exist. She's too young for
you to be here yet* Sex-Drive gaped at her for a moment before she 
busted up laughing. 

*She's too young? She's 17 for Crissake!! She SHOULD be married. But 
it's totally YOUR fault that she isn't yet. If it weren't for you, 
Romance and I would have had her wedded and bedded a few weeks after 
Kenshin had showed up! And if it were up to me* Sex-Drive paused 
dramatically, *You'd be long gone by now * 

Modesty sneered at Sex-Drive, looking her up and down *Well, it's not 
up to you, you slut*

Sex-Drive sneered right back, pulling a tanto out of her hair. *Who 
says it's not? No one will stop me, you know.* 

At the threat of physical violence, Modesty's eyes widened. *We can do
this the easy way, or the hard way* Sex-Drive added. *It's all up to 
you* 

Modesty disappeared as quickly as she came. Who knew my Sex-Drive was 
so Violent? She winked at me. *That's not all I am, love. Now it's 
time for you to know what we were planning...*

I don't think I've ever blushed so hard in my life. I listened 
carefully to Sex-Drive's and Romance's instructions, trying not to 
faint dead away at what they were trying to get me to do. 

Sex-Drive eyed Guilty and Creative. *I don't think she's up to this 
yet, girls. Do you think I should...?*

*...Give her lessons?* Creative finished her sentence. *I think it 
would help her a lot. But what are we going to use as...?*

Sex-Drive's eyes widened and cut her off. *I have just the thing!* 
>From Hammerspace (tm) she produced...a cucumber. 

Modesty (who could never stay gone for long) pointed at the cucumber 
with a shaking hand, her face a pasty white *You are not even going 
to use that...as...as...No way. I'm out of here. *, but just couldn't 
make herself leave.

Meanwhile, ignoring Modesty altogether, my Sex-Drive had turned to me 
with the scariest face I'd ever seen, the shiny red H on her forehead 
glowing eerily. *Now just pretend this is Kenshin's...*

*NOOOO!!!* Modesty shot up from where she'd haunched herself into a 
ball. *I'm not asking much, just please, don't say THAT WORD!!!* 

If it was possible, my Sex-Drive's face turned even more evil *What 
word?"

Modesty had gone into Panic, her eyes closed tightly as she clutched 
at her ears. *You know what word I mean, you dumb slut!*

Sex-Drive's eyes narrowed, he grin twisted as she tried not to laugh. 
*You mean the word...PENIS??*

All the color drained out of Modesty's face. The color in her body 
followed, and then she was just an outline. Slowly even that outline 
began to fade, until there was nothing left of my Modesty at all.

*There! I though we'd never be able to get rid of her. Anyway, Kaoru, 
you see this cucumber...* 

*Yeah, yeah, I see the damn cucumber. Are you going to show me what 
to do, are you gonna sit there and say the word penis over and over, 
in hopes of shocking me?* I replied in exasperation to my Sex-Drive.

Romance had a small smile on her face. *Sex-Drive, I think she's 
growing up!*

Sex-Drive, cucumber in hand, ran over and hugged Romance for all she
was worth. *Yes I do think she's finally growing up!* She sobbed for 
a moment into Romance's kimono, before she straitened up, waving the 
cucumber to and fro.

*Yosha! Minna, let's get down to business! Koaru-chan, pay attention. 
I'm only going to show you once...

I tried not to laugh as I watched as my Sex-Drive went down on a 
cucumber. I bit hard on the inside of my lip, as she explained the 
finer points of the 'art' to me. 

*Don't try to take the whole thing, okay? Use your tongue as much as 
you can. Don't use your teeth...hey, are you even listening to me?* 

I couldn't help it. I started to laugh so hard, that tears were 
streaming down my face. 

I felt Guilt shake me, *Stop laughing! You'll wake him up, and that 
will ruin our plans!* Indeed, I felt Kenshin start to wake, and one 
drowsy purple eye opened, his mouth quirked into a small smile. 

*Ack! She's ruined everything!!* Guilt wailed. Romance patted her on 
the shoulder. 

*Remember, Modesty is gone. She won't have any problems at all.* 
Romance pointed out gently. *She'll do just fine, you'll see* Romance 
smiled encouragingly at me and nodded. 

Yosh'a! Kenshin had worked up to opening his other eye, and was 
looking at me wonderingly. That's right. My giggling had woken him. I 
pressed a quick kiss to his mouth, "Gomen, Kenshin. I didn't mean to 
wake you."

The little quirk turned into a grin. "It's okay." I definitely like 
this Kenshin better then the prudish thing that's been doing my 
laundry for months. 

*Remember the plan!!* Guilt reminded me. And loudly.

*Look at him!* Romance gasped. Kenshin's hair had come undone while 
he slept, and now it spilt all over my pillow in brilliant red waves. 
Under the voluminous clothing he normally wore, he looked painfully 
thin, but now as I looked more closely, he was really quite muscular, 
and they were tightly stretched over his chest, stomach and arms. I 
pulled myself up, balancing on one arm, and resting my chin in my 
hand. I saw his gaze dip, and I just shook my head a bit and giggled.

"If you always look like this when you wake up, you're welcome to 
sleep here all the time." Disheveled hair, glowing eyes, and 
especially shirtless. Wooo. 

*Remember the plan!!*

*Jeez, shut up will you? I'm working on it!*

*Oooh! He's blushing!! Kawaii!!*

*I dare you to make him turn as red as his hair!*

*Oooh. Good idea. I'll take you up on that.* Time to put the plan 
into action! 

"Hey, why are you blushing?" I teased him. 

He put his hands over his face and his muffled voice filtered from 
under them. "I am NOT blushing!"

"I think you are." I nipped lightly at the sensitive parts of his 
chest with my teeth. He pulled his hands from his face, and looked at 
me in shock, the heat radiating from his face.

"I bet I can make you turn as red as your hair." I said, a mischievous
grin making my lips curl, as I made my way down his chest. My reward 
was an exasperated sigh coupled with a soft gasp. When I reached his 
waist, I gave him one last devilish grin, before ducking down and 
pulling the covers over my head. 

Of course now, I was face to face with the object of our earlier 
scrutiny. 

*Don't you mean head to head?*

*Sex-Drive, that was DIRTY!!!*

*Heh heh, of course it was! Heh, Kenshin must have big feet.*

*What makes you say that?*

*Romance, look at that and tell me he doesn't have big feet.*

*Look at what?....Oh! Oh...Oh my. And he's such a petite man! How do 
you think he fits that...* 

I gritted my teeth for a second before mentally grounding out *Okay, 
to do this I require absolute silence! If I hear another non-constructive
comment, I'll fire the lot of you!* I heard multiple jaws snap shut. 
Arigatou gozaimasu, Kami-sama. 

I had paid close attention to my earlier lessons, and it was time to 
put them into practice. Kenshin had tensed up, not exactly sure what 
I was doing. 

Delicately, I took the very tip in my mouth. I felt every muscle in 
Kenshin's body go absolutely liquid. 

*Go girl! You just work it how I showed you!* 

I allowed myself a small grimace at that comment, but followed my 
Sex-Drive's instructions all the same. Somewhere, I had flipped back 
the covers to allow more freedom of movement. I opened my eyes, and 
let them move to Kenshin's face. Both his mouth and his eyes were 
half-open, and sure enough, his skin flushed to a delightful shade of 
red. I'd never seen such a blissful expression in my life. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

20 minutes later...

My jaw hurt. My neck hurt. I couldn't keep this up much longer. My 
Sex-Drive lay sprawled on the floor panting.

*Damn...this boy has God-like stamina!*

Romance nodded, likewise panting, her brow moist with sweat. *God-like
stamina to go with the God-like speed* 

*Why couldn't she fall in love with a HUMAN man?*

*If he was totally human, he wouldn't be Kenshin, right Kaoru-chan?*

*Right. But right now, the human part would be nice!*

As I finished that thought, I felt Kenshin's hips jerk, and suddenly I
was pulled up against his chest, being kissed so hard that I felt my 
lips bruise. 

A moment later, his twitching subsided, and I broke the kiss. "I win."

He started, and looked at me strangely. "I made you turn as red as 
your hair. I win." I couldn't help but grin. Kenshin just shook his 
head, exasperation plain. 

That exasperation was getting to me. "Are you implying that you are 
unhappy with the results?" 

"Maa, maa, did I say that? I wouldn't ever say something like that!" 

*Ack! He's panicking! *

"Well good! You'd better be happy." With that I snuggled at closer. 
When I moved, I noticed for the first time the stickiness between 
our bodies. One brief glance at the mess on my stomach settled that 
right there. I looked back up at Kenshin, who only smiled sheepishly.

"Bath tub. NOW"

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Kenshin and Kaoru
~Owari~